You’ve been my only friend for so long, that I don’t remember my life without you. You’ve been in every moment, every experience, every situation. In those happy times you were always waiting patiently in the shadows, ready for your turn to come forth to the stage. And if I happened to get too comfortable with the pleasant feelings, you’d gladly remind me that you’re there and it’s your story that I’m playing out.
Know that I feel you. Don’t worry, I will not run away from you. I already tried times and times again, but here you are. I can’t lose you, it’s not possible, I realize that now. I moved countries, changed continents, left people behind in hope that you won’t follow me, but I know that I always carried you in me wherever I went.
So now, I will stop fighting you. I accept that you are my companion for this lifetime. But I let me ask you for a small favor. There is something I need in order to be able to keep on going with you always on my shoulders. I am asking for moments of illusionary freedom from you. I will be happy with little things: watching a clear night’s sky or playing with the waves in the ocean. Or having a nice cup of tea. In those moments I want to forget about you.
I know you’re there. Just let me pretend.