Lost: Passion. Reward Offered.

Posted by Lorelai on June 19, 2014

dark angelOne day I woke up to realize that I’ve lost my passion. I put it away on the shelf by the window, just for a few moments, just to take care of some really, really important stuff. Well, maybe it took a bit longer than I expected, but just a few moments here and there shouldn’t matter, right?

There was a lot of work and deadlines, so I worked and met the deadlines and maybe lost a track of time … Then this and that important thing happened and it all had to be taken care of. Of course by me – who else takes care of things here? Exactly. Nobody. Only I can do them right.

So I took care of what needed caring and I was so, so, soooo tired after all these errands, that all I could do was lie down on the couch and fall asleep before even getting a chance to move my heavy butt to bed.

Few days, or was it few weeks? months? …. passed by in a similar manner. When I thought I was done, something unexpected would always show up at my doorstep. I like surprises, I really do. But for the love of god – spread them out throughout the year, would you? So then I could maybe enjoy some of them. Some …

I haven’t realized that my passion was gone till one rainy evening, when the house was a spotless work of art, and flooded streets were not too inviting to run any kind of not-that-important errands. I went over to that shelf by the window, where I left my passion to maybe just take a quick look at it. Didn’t have to put all my heart back into it right away, did I? It would be irresponsible; passion is just for pleasure, and one needs to make a living … Just wanted to take one tiny peek … But my passion wasn’t there!

There were some old postcards, some unpaid bills … couple of old figurines covered in memories looking at me with their sad eyes. The spider winked at me from his web in the corner. No passion anywhere to be found.

I went back in my mind to make sure I didn’t have it with me anywhere else since the last time I saw it, but no – I clearly remember that shelf by the window, not that long ago (weeks ? months?… ), is where I left my passion.

Someone must have took it! Yes, that must be it! Who took my passion?

Was it my boyfriend? No – he has his beloved guitar, his music, his dream world. What would he want from my passion?

Maybe the kids took it for fun and forgot to put it back? Hey, I don’t have kids … I have an almost grown up teenager, who despises everything that I do, just as all teenagers feel about their parents and their ‘outdated’ passions. My passion is simply not her taste.

The dog ate it? Hmmm … even if he could reach the shelf, I would surely be aware of the indigestion that was bound to follow …

Oh no! The window! My passion must have slipped away one sunny day when the window was open! I forgot about it, I neglected it, I lost myself in the endless tasks, always so important. I’m not surprised, if I was my passion I would have given up on me a long time ago …

So it has happened. I’ve lost my passion and now it’s gone. Is it forever? Will she come back to me? Or should I go out there, into the vast Unknown to search for it? Or maybe I just need to find a new passion? Or borrow one from my neighbour, like a cup of sugar?

No, I need my old passion back. No other would fit so perfectly into my pocket. Yes, I usually keep my passion in this small, special pocket in my favourite jeans.

Maybe I just need to wait. Sit down in silence, repent for my forgetfulness and make a plan to look for it.

I asked my mind, connected to all of my knowledge to look for answers, for solutions, for best ways to find my passion. But it’s my heart that answered my call. It said that my passion will come back on its own, if I only made a room for it. If I don’t have a Space Between, the passion has nowhere to grow.

Off to cleaning then. But not to scrub the floors of my cozy house, but to cleanse my mind and change priorities to create more space in my life. There should always be room for passion in one’s life.