Why do you judge me? Are you better, smarter, wiser? Are you more pretty, more experienced, more self-aware? Are you always flawless in the way you speak your truth? Don’t you ever hurt others, in spite of your best intentions?
I’m learning to speak my truth. It takes great courage, as I’ve been taught that my truth doesn’t matter. For years I kept my truth to myself. And now I’m slowly coming out. More and more every day. Some of the people who are around me may not like it, they may get disappointed, even angry. But I speak from my heart, I open myself to who I really am, I express my needs in the kindest manner possible. I always remember not to force my truth upon someone else, and that there are as many truths as there are people, and none of these truths are more right than the other.
It was easier, when I was the quiet one, the agreeable one, the understanding one, the kind one, the one who did not complain, the one who did not fought for her rights, the one who’d always let it go in the name of higher good. The always-smiling-despite-inner-discontent one. It was easier. For YOU. I suffered, suffocating with my own words stuck in my throat.
“Inside my heart is breaking, my make-up may be flaking but my smile stills stays on”
The Show Must Go On. But not for me. No more. I choose me, even if that means solitude and loneliness. I know I will lose many friends, I already did. You left, but not before judging me. I understand, you have your reasons, but however important they may be to you, I’m beyond reasons now. Reasons don’t matter. What happened is the past, and the past is just a memory. It only exists if you give it your attention, your energy. I don’t want to live in the past. I am here, now. That’s all that matters. If I based my life on the past, I would only live in pain, reliving situations, changing conversations in my head – he said, she said – and I’d become a judge myself. I have no right. Nobody has a right.
When you open your mind to Pure Consciousness, you see that there is no right or wrong. Everything happens in divine order, everything is important and necessary and perfect, just the way it is. Even the pain, even the harm, even the broken heart. When it’s time, you’ll know why it was perfect and why it was necessary. For now all you can do is accept it. Or fight against it on a battlefield inside your own inner sanctuary.
I choose peace and happiness that acceptance brings. I accept each part of me, without judgement. I accept each part of you, without judgement. I accept our ups and downs, without judgement. I am at peace.
“Two monks were walking down a road when they came upon large puddle blocking the way. There was a woman in a beautiful dress standing in front of the puddle, not knowing how to cross it while not getting her pretty clothes dirty. The older monk picked her up and carried her over the puddle, without much thought.
After few hours of silent walk the younger monk said:
-Brother, why did you carry that woman over the puddle? You know we, monks, are not supposed to touch women.
The older monk replied:
-Dear Brother, I left the woman at the side of the road. Why are you still carrying her?”