Flying with dead weight

Posted by Lorelai on April 7, 2014

  flying1It’s hard to fly with a heavy bag attached to your ankle. I have been cleaning my bag for so many years, throwing out old traumas, negative thoughts and unhealthy beliefs. It’s still heavy. It feels like there’s something stuck deep at the bottom and I can’t reach it. How I wish I could just take it out and see it. I would shine the light of understanding on that piece of the past so it could dissolve, allowing me to take a deep breath of relief.

What if I just cut the rope that’s connecting the bag with my ankle? Just let it all go? Would ignorance of the past keep dragging me down? Oh, the typical human flaw – the need to know it all! Is it really that important to know, realize, understand before being able to let go? Isn’t there another way – a way to transmute the bad into the good without gaining an insight? My Ego would not let me take that road, not just yet. I’m too much intertwined with the world, where only knowledge is of value.

What if get past the Ego, only to find that the rope is double/triple-bind, so strong that the only way to get rid of the bag is to cut off my own foot and endure excruciating pain? Cut out a part of me that I’m so used to. Who would I be without it? Even if I don’t know that ‘it’ is …

I wish, I really wish that it just wouldn’t matter. Some sort of magical fairy potion will make it ‘poof!’ – disappear. The bag with all its contents will just vanish and I will be able to roam free in the blue, blue sky.

It’s not that easy though. The only way to free myself is to find courage to let it go. Cut the rope connecting me to the past and raise up higher than I ever imagined, unafraid of the vast lands of Unknown and possibilities of happiness that they bring.

The past does not exist, did you know?..

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