Facing Demons

Posted by Lorelai on April 9, 2014

IMG_0328This nice summer day, I feel a strong push to go back to the place where I lost my faith in God. I’ve passed it many times during my summer trips to Home, but never felt such an intense urge to go in. It was always just an immerse fear that made my knees weak.

It’s a day just like it was Then – the air outside is so hot, that you can see heatwaves floating above the pavement. It’s a bit cooler inside, although it’s still hard to breathe.

I was standing then, surrounded by a crowd. Many whispering voices, smells of perspiration lingering around, restlessness of a hundred thoughts. Or was it boredom?… It’s after business hours now, just a few people here and there looking for hope or answers. Or maybe they just need to be alone?

I walked around for a bit when I first came in, but the overwhelming sensation of Then made me dizzy. I sat down, my heart pounding, high ceilings moving, closing down on me …

“Breathe”, I remembered. It’s just an illusion of danger, coming from deep inside my mind. There is no danger. The fear is not real.

“Stay put, Lori, don’t run away. You can do this. Just breathe.”

Chemicals released into my bloodstream by my overprotective mind, that foolishly believes my life is in danger, are clouding my vision, shortening my breath, speeding up my heart rate in preparation for fight or flight.  If not further stimulated by my actions to defend myself, they will simply dissolve in 20 minutes.

“Breathe, Lori.”

I’m looking around, there are faces with empty eyes in the windows. Angels with horns in their halos. Haunting me. Condemning me … Buy why?

 

“I am not a Witch anymore!” – a flashback from a life lived so long ago. Same faces filled with anger. And fear?… Their hands on my throat, pushing me under water. Can’t breathe!….

“Wake up, Lori. These are only faces frozen by time in an image on the glass. Breathe. That’s right. There is plenty of air in the Now.”

A sudden rush of sadness. I was gone for so long! Don’t blame me – you didn’t protect me. Just as you didn’t protect the world from fake prophets claiming to speak Your will on Earth. They hide behind the veil of ultimate justice, but their eyes lie.

Greed.

Need for power.

Fear.

Pain.

I believe in You – the Highest Power, that I am a part of. I don’t believe in the delusion of the church. This is just a building run by people. They have no power to judge me, for we are all the same. I have not sinned, because sin doesn’t exist. I go through life learning from every step that I take. There is no right or wrong.

Do not judge me. Do not punish me. I will not punish myself any longer, as I am clean, just like every other spark of Divine Love experiencing life here, on Earth. We are on a journey from  the Light, through the Darkness, into the Light.

 

This is a beautiful building. So much work put into each detail. I will enjoy its beauty, the craftsmanship of the workmen, who tirelessly created this Art, sweating, hungry, missing their families.

Yes, I will enjoy the Art, but I will not kneel down before an illusion. Fake. It’s all fake. The only real thing is what’s in your heart.

I release all judgement, all punishment, all pain. I bathe in the Light of Unity. It was always within me.