Back Home

Posted by Lorelai on March 28, 2014

IMG_0700And so … I am back home, back to where it all started, where I became, came to be. I came to exist out of the mists of the unknown, where I would eventually end up again, just like the rest of us. Here. In this house. There are millions of memories lingering in every corner. Some are vivid, others are only smells of feelings. And there are those, which, even though they’re barely there, give out the most uneasy sensation of their great importance.

Why did I come back? Each time I tell myself  it’s the last time. “No more. There’s nothing left for me here. Leave the past be.”

But here I am again, in search of that, which is in that feeling – familiar and even comforting, but yet – underlined with unknown fear. Calling me, promising me the answer that I so long looked for. The answer to that sting in my Heart, that pain that makes me bleed every time I get in arm’s reach of my own, personal Truth. To the reason for the wall, that just pops out and pushes me down again, down to the depths of never-ending struggles.

Lessons? Yes – lessons, that I need to re-learn yet again.

Tired. I am exhausted after the last climb up the path up my mountain and being thrown down again. I’m laying  at the bottom, out of breath, staring at the night’s sky. I am tired.

“I don’t want to! I can’t! I won’t!” I refuse to repeat it one more time. No more walking on my own footsteps. Next time will be different. I don’t know how, but I just know it. I am different now… Am I?

I am here, again. Waiting for answers. Hoping – for the last time – that the secrets buried in this home, this room, my once “own private Idaho” will reveal themselves. And then – I will know.

Then I will be ready to take the next step. Or will it be the fist step again? …

But for now, I am waiting. Resting. For now I just need to sleep. Yes. Sleep heals the restless soul of the Seeker. And gives him strength to keep up his journey.




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